My New Body, My New Home

 I am participating in a 22-day self-indulgence journey. It is 22 days of self-pampering, sensuality, senses and mindfulness. I've done some pretty cool things so far. I've done karaoke twice this month which is awesome! I had a chocolate cupcake. I don't indulge in desserts much, so that was a kind thing to do for myself. 

I purchase three new travel sized designer perfumes. I bought Love Bomb by Viktor&Rolf, which came in a three set travel size. I bought Dylan Blue by Versace, and Love Don't Be Shy which is one of Rihanna's favorites. I thought the Love Don't Be Shy would garner more compliments, but I haven't been complimented on that scent yet. 

When I've worn both of the others, I've gotten compliments of smelling "tasty" and "GOOOOOOOOOODDD!" My body chemistry isn't working well with the Love Don't Be Shy, and that's ok. I'm exploring and learning which scents work for me and which smells I like.

I also indulged in a moisturizing and glowing face mask. I enrolled in a free course about time management. I saved up $500.00. I purchased some really cute clothes from Shein. It's been great so far. I've forgotten how to indulge myself in the simple things. I was in a toxic marriage for two years. I had learned to not just dim my light, but turn it off completely. I wasn't able to fully be myself and that wasn't good for me. I remember pampering myself years ago. 

Even when I didn't have a car or much money. I remember loving and learning myself to the fullest. I remember having routines and rituals to continue building myself up. I'm getting back to that place of self-love. It feels amazing and fulfilling as I take it one day, one gesture, one task at a time.

I paid off my cruise and it is my first ever cruise. I'll be accompanied by the Aquarian man. Tall, dark, handsome and bearded he is. It's going to be a dream come true and a great way to end the year and look forward to the upcoming one. 

We also had a distant reiki session. That day we were to abstain from any alcohol, marijuana, or anything mind and energy altering. That day I was in my pajamas and in bed by 7:00pm. It felt so good to rest and allow the distant healing to take its place and run its course.

So now, I'll answer a question from one of the writing prompts in the Indulgence Workbook. 

Do you feel at home in your body?

I'm getting there. This new body at 37 is much different from the body I had for most of my life. I was always very skinny/slim. No extra skin or extra weight folding over my clothes. No back rolls, no back fat and definitely no belly fat. I didn't even have to exercise to stay in shape. I was much more active than I am now, but I still didn't have to do anything to thin. 

Today, I am about 173 pounds. In 2022, I was at about 152. Most of my life outside of pregnancy, I was 120. So, this body is new to me. The excess back and belly fat don't feel like home at all. Going from a size 6 small/medium to now being a size 12 large/extra large is quite an adjustment. 

The dorms at basic training didn't feel like home at first. I adapted. Moving to a new place doesn't feel like home on the first night. Overtime you get used to it. Having more fat and skin on my body doesn't feel quite like home yet. 

I've been slowly redecorating this new home with regular exercise. I have a few more changes and upgrades to make before it feels like home. I'm confident that one day soon I'll be able to fully embrace the new me. Slowly but surely. One day at a time...