I NEED A MAN!

Some days, and especially some nights, I really need a man. Not my son, not an uncle or cousin, but my own significant other. Wouldn't life be much more fun and easy with a strapping young lad by my side? I'd never have to take out the trash, bring the groceries in the house, kill bugs, or lift heavy boxes. Sometimes I honestly feel like I NEED A MAN!

Unfortunately, that's not in the cards for me right now. With all of my failed relationships, and disappointing situationships, I have some reevaluating to do. In my single phase I still have a few more lessons to learn before thinking about merging with another individual. First things first, I must obtain my degree before even seriously entertaining the idea of entering into a committed relationship.

I could bet money that if I were in a relationship right now, I would not have made the Dean's List. I know that I would not have received even half of the awards and scholarships I earned this year. I know how I am in relationships. I get all clingy and want to spend every waking moment with that person. I truly believe that God has put me on a college campus, with a full schedule, and no car in order to keep my eyes on the prize.

I'm about 10 years older than all of the guys on campus... even the cute, tall, chocolate ones. Sorry folks, I'm not dating any younger guys any time soon. I feel a bit secluded from the world, but I know it is the best way for me to be as productive as possible. I have no distractions, no emotional obligations, and no drama. I don't have to deal with all of the responsibility, expectations and pressure put on a person when in a relationship. I don't have any of that crap.

On the other hand, I also don't have a man to text me good morning, good afternoon, good evening, and good night. I don't have a man that is genuinely concerned about my well being throughout the day. I have no date night. I have no one to call to say, "Hey babe, I was just thinking about you. I love you." I have no man to kiss, no man to miss, and no man here to cheer me on when times get tough.

That's exactly why I don't need one right now. I said nothing about what I could do for him. That's one of those things I'm still working on. I am self-centered and a bit selfish. At this point in my life all that matters to me is my education, my goals and my son. That's so unfair. I would only want to be with the man in my free time, around my schedule, doing the things I want to do. HA! God is great.

Still, I do want to be in a healthy, mutually beneficial relationship with a great guy. One day, I would like to be all coupled up with a tall, chocolate, bearded man. I don't want to be single and alone forever. Yet, I must remain patient and get prepared before getting involved with him. I've been reading articles and books on how to prepare myself for a relationship. I've also been writing out little tests that I'll give on dates to reveal a man's true characteristics (I often ignore or overlook the little things aka RED FLAGS). That's something I've never done before.

As I get older, I'm learning that I need to practice self control. I'm also learning that if you want certain results, you have to change certain habits. I'll be doing new things like, meeting his family sooner and seeing how he interacts with his parents. Paying attention to what he eats, who he hangs with, where he works, and how he carries himself. Most of all, I will be LISTENING more to the words that come out of his mouth. I'm a talker. In the past, I would talk way more than I listened. I would either miss something important that he told me, or I would be too busy talking and never ask him important questions. Thankfully my degree is in Communications, which is teaching me how to effectively speak and actively listening.

After earning my degree, getting a decent job, getting a car, and getting a nice place for my son and I, I plan to start dating again. In the mean time, I'll be improving, listening and learning. I'll be figuring out what I want, what I have to offer, and who I want to be with. I'll also be carrying my own bags, taking out my own trash, and buying myself flowers. (So sad... LOL)

Nevertheless, I'll be a real single woman. Not in a situationship, not being a side chick or a booty call. A true single woman, becoming whole in preparation to become his better half. There will be many lonely nights, empty wine bottles, and tears. But if I show that I am serious about my hearts' desires, I have no doubt that the Universe will deliver. Please pray for my strength, patience, and self control. Lord knows I'm going to need it...