New Relationship RECAP Month 3: Days 61-90

The Settling In Phase: Today is May 19th and we have been going steady for almost four months now! We’ve made it past the first 90 days which is a great indicator of longevity. I am so happy to be in a healthy relationship again. He is my best friend and he feels like a brother to me. (I am aware that this may sound creepy to some.)

Our bond is natural, playful and authentic. We are totally comfortable with each other. He feels like family.

I have been celebrating our bond along the way. I decided that I would go all out for our 90th day together. I spread rose petals across the the floor making a path to the bedroom. I left a trail of love notes from the front door to the foyer and up to the boudoir. I drew us a warm mango scented bubble bath. I lit candles representing our zodiac signs; his Aquarius, mine Capricorn.

I made chocolate covered strawberries, and poured two glasses of peach wine. I decorated his bedroom with balloons, heart garland and tealight candles. I created a huge red heart made of rose petals on the center of his bed. I placed our celebration gifts (his and hers Jimmy Choo perfume) in the middle. He walked in and was pleasantly surprised. We talked, laughed and enjoyed our stay-cation.

Days 61-90 RECAP: The days are coming and going much faster now in my opinion. My fears of a breakup are slowly dissipating. I have given myself permission to visualize our future together. We are in love. We are learning how to operate as a unit. We still have much to learn about one another. We still have a long time to explore each other.

One aspect of our relationship that I admire is our communication. We have monthly check-ins to evaluate the progress of our relationship. We take turns asking the same five questions, and we respond with pure honesty. I like our check-ins because it allows us to do more of what makes our relationship great, and less of what may cause challenges.

Learning From the Past
No relationship is perfect. We have our disagreements, but we don't argue. I have trained myself to have infinite patience, understanding, and control over my emotions. I refuse to accept any disrespect, and I will not disrespect my partner. I do not expect him to live up to any expectations I have set for him. Life is not a movie and people are who they are. In the past, I would have compared our relationship to those of the hundreds of romantic movies I've watched. Only to be let down because of unrealistic expectations.

Through self-exploration, self-knowledge and self-love I've gained an understanding of how to love someone else. I do not wait for him to do nice things for me if I want to feel loved. I know what I like. I can do nice things for myself. However, I am confident enough to tell him how I feel. I do not depend on him to make me happy or cheer me up after a difficult day. I have learned to self soothe and make the choice to change my thoughts and mood. Whatever he chooses to do for me is a bonus to what I do for myself.

When I was younger, I believed that it was up to my partner to surprise me, make me happy and basically read my mind. That is the untruth. We all have different personalities and shifting moods. What happens if we are both having a bad day? Will we sit and stare at each other angrily waiting for the other person to fix it?

I now know the importance of knowing who I am, how I want to be treated, and how to treat others. I know the importance of understanding the personality of my partner and respecting moods and boundaries. I respect the balance of dependence and independence in a relationship.

Looking Towards the Future
I see growth, maturity and happiness in the future. I see us buying a home, traveling and having fun together. I also see him completing his business degree, starting his business and living his best life because he was inspired and motivated by me. I see myself as whole and complete. Being in love with someone that is supportive, ambitious and encouraging gives me a strong sense of satisfaction.

I remember being single, laying in my bed, imagining my man there next to me. Now, some nights I wake up and silently say thank you. The feeling of gratitude overwhelms me when I feel my partner wrap his arm around me and pull me closer to him. After a long busy day at work, or an energy draining coaching session, or a tough day in grad school, I am so grateful to have someone genuinely hold me, kiss me, and be physically present with me.

No matter what happens up the road, I am grateful for each day we spend together.