Single Vs. Unwed Mother

When you think of a single mom, what are your thoughts? 

The first thing that comes to my mind is a deadbeat or absent father. I envision a mother who has to work, cook, clean, take care of the kids, and live a busy life. She rarely has any time for herself, and she rarely gets help from the father of the child/ren.

That is not me. I'm not a stereotypical single mother. I'm not married, so yes I am single. However, I'm not what most would consider the definition of a single mom.

My son's father is a real dad. He spends so much time with my son that sometimes I get jealous! They play basketball together, go for ice cream together, go swimming, work out, and watch sports together. They are together at least three days a week. My son has a strong bond with both of his parents. He loves us both, and spends quality time with the both of us together and separately. We are the epitome of co-parenting. I'm blessed to have such a great family. Maybe not by marriage, but undoubtedly by blood and love.

My son's father not only spends time with him regularly, he also contributes a lot financially. He buys clothes, shoes, food, toys, pays for daycare expenses, and many other things. He doesn't just babysit his son, he guides him, disciplines him with love, and shows him the importance of respect, work ethic, and a host of other positive values and beliefs. In a "normal" situation, he'd be looked at as a regular dad.

However, since we live in a culture where the norm is the complete opposite of what my son's father is; he stands out like a knight in shining armor. Also, I find it beneficial to point out his greatness. That's why I've written several posts about him. As a grown man, of course I expect him to step up and take care of his responsibilities. Yet, I am grateful for his strong presence in his son's life. I will continue to speak highly of him because our outstanding African American men need to be encouraged and uplifted.

Is he perfect? 

Clearly, if he were the perfect man we would still be in a relationship. I'm not saying we are perfect parents. I am saying that we are magnificent, committed co-parents. We always put our son first no matter how we personally feel about one another. That may come easier for us because we are both older parents. We're both out of our 20's, and have college degrees. When we broke up four years ago, we actually broke up. There was no more dipping into the cookie jar (if you know what I mean). Once the cookies were off limits, there were no more emotional ties. That meant no jealousy fueled arguments and irrational actions. We have a zero tolerance for baby mama or baby daddy drama.

Remember, at one point in my son's life, I was married. That didn't stop my son and his father from spending time together. My ex-husband would even drop my son off to his dad. Nothing comes between my son and his dad. I know what's it's like to not have an active dad in my life. I would NEVER selfishly deprive my son of a developing a strong bond with his willing and loving father.

As an unwed mother, I do often regret not being able to work things out with his dad. I wish my son could wake up to both his mommy and daddy every day. I wish we both could tuck him in every night. I wish that we could all be one legally, live under the same roof, eat, sleep and pray together. The melancholy reality is that it would never work. Why? Well, what's understood needs no explanation.

God willing, we will remain great friends and continue to raise up this astonishing, healthy, super special child. His dad is my partner, my teammate, my supporter. I have love for him because of the love we share for the life we created together. He's showed me that fathers do matter, and I'm proud of the man and great father he is continually blossoming into.