What Do You Do When Your Kid Has Cancer?
What do you do when they tell you that they must perform emergency surgery on your child the next morning?
What do you do when you go back for a follow up appointment and they tell you the cancerous tumor is growing once more in the same area of your child's brain, and he'll have to have another brain surgery?
What do you do when just two days after the second brain surgery, the doctors tell you that he'll have to have yet another brain surgery, and afterwards a drain coming from his brain, and the threat of a permanent brain shunt?
What do you do when the doctors tell you that your 3 year old son will have to have 30 radiation treatments, a PICC line inserted into his arm going to his heart for 30 days, and an increasing amount of Propofol for 5 days straight for 6 weeks straight?
What do you do when you find clumps of curly dark brown hair on the pillow case of your 2 year old child? How do you bear the pain of seeing half of his head bald, when just weeks ago he had a strong puffy afro? How do you react when people stare at a half bald child, losing so much hair because of the deadly daily radiation rays?
What do you do when he have to see you child fight the unnatural process of sedation day in and day out?
How can you trust these strangers that take my son to a room where I'm not welcome, and do only God knows what to his helpless body?
What do you do when you're forced to get back to normal, and live life as if everything is fine again?
Just last year y'all, a year ago, I was forced to answer all of these questions in the heat of the moment.
I'm a first time mom. I had a healthy pregnancy. I didn't smoke or drink, no birth defects, no family history of sick babies. My son was born on time, vaginally, with no complications. I breastfed him for 13 months. I've always given him healthy foods, stayed away from junk, sweets, and fast food. He's always been healthy, active, smart, and developing regularly.
How could he develop a cancerous brain tumor when he started out perfectly fine?
What did I do? What didn't I do? WHY DID MY BABY HAVE A BRAIN TUMOR?
no answers.
The doctors have no answers, no cause, no beginning, no end. But I know that everything comes from something.
In my spirit, I know that stress played a factor. I also believe that all of those shots and vaccines played a role.
As a loving mother who truly cares for her child, I never in a million years thought it would happen to me and my first born son. I had never even heard of kids getting brain tumors until mine had one. I had no prior knowledge. I did no research. I was ignorant and oblivious to tumors and childhood cancers. Which sucks when you're in a position where you have to make a split decision in the heat of the moment.
I just wanted my son to be healed. I wanted someone, anyone, to rid his brain of the tumor. We went from the ER to the ICU. I had no time to research healing methods, homeopathic remedies, or other options. I didn't know. I was in shock, in awe, in a state of emotional panic and disbelief. I didn't think I had too many other options, so I was left at the mercy of the doctors.
What else was I supposed to do? If he didn't get the surgery he may have died. I didn't want to risk it. I did what i thought was right.
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All of these thoughts were brought on by a video clip i just watched on Facebook, about the pharmaceutical industry and medical doctors. It was sort of an expose on how chemotherapy is bogus. The guy said chemotherapy doesn't work 97% of the time, but it makes money for the doctors and the pharmaceutical companies. He went on to say that natural cures are the best. Watching what we eat and understanding nutrition is what helps cure and prevent disease.
I instantly thought about my son. What have I done? What did I let them do to my baby? The dozens of vaccines that were basically shoved onto him, the surgeries, the radiation, the vacuum used to pull him out of me because I got an epidural and couldn't push hard enough. What have I done?
What will all of this man made medical bullshit do to my son in the long run? These doctors were digging around in his brain three different times? Will it stunt his growth? Will he have issues later on in life? Is this some type of conspiracy trying to rid the world of young black men????? Why MY son? Why did this have to happen to him?
Life has many layers and areas and dimensions. Who knows, maybe they were trying to kill his body. But as clear as the sun is on a cloudless day in the Sahara Desert, my son has a shining spirit that is unbroken.
The tumor is gone. Most of the hair has grown back. God has healed him and spared him from any side effects that I am aware of; no sight deficiencies, no stutter, no balance issues, no developmental delays, perfectly Ryan. Thank God, he's back to his normal level of health.
He is loved. He knows love. He is love. He was conceived out of love. Before he was born people would touch my belly giving him love, they would speak love into my womb, they could sense something special about my child's spirit before he made his entrance into the outside world. My son. My special, loving, amazing, Little King.
I am so blessed. We are so blessed. Unfortunately, some other families lost their children to cancer, or during surgeries. Other families are dealing with negative side effects from the surgeries, the radiation, the medication, and the tumor itself. Some of the families are not celebrating in victory. Some are living in hospitals. Some of their children are swinging on the monkeys bars and sliding down the slides with a shunt protruding through their skin.
I'm grateful for my son's healing. I'm grateful for God's mercy.
I'm doing my best to keep my son out of these hospitals and out of reach from the greedy pharmaceutical corporations. I'm nurturing him mind, body, and soul. The physical is not enough. So excuse me if my attitude has changed about a few things. Pardon me if I feel more passion, anger, love, lust, hate, pride, or guilt about certain issues. Things like childhood cancer and other traumatic things that happen to us in this life changes us. Some for better some for worse. Both for me. I know I'm stronger, but I'm also more detached. How could I hold on to anything in this world when it could be taken from me in an instant?
I love my son no less, but I truly understand that he is a gift from God. He doesn't belong to me. I can't control his fate or destiny. As his mother I'm here to guide him, instill knowledge, self worth, and survival skills into him. I'm half of what he needs to be whole. His father is the other half. He chose us as his parents for a reason. Whatever it is that he came here to achieve will be done through me and Harold. That is an honor.
If any of you reading this has had a child in your family that has been touched by cancer, or any other disease you can email me if you need support: theladybugspeaker@gmail.com. We can talk about how we truly feel and get the support we need to be healed and free from guilt, doubt and anger.
Thanks for reading.
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