Stressure
Stress and pressure are an overwhelming duo. As the clock is winding down, I am entering my last month as a student at the Cuyahoga Community College. I cannot believe how fast these two years went by. I remember when I first signed up for school on that big green comfy couch in my parents basement in the Summer of 2012. It was right after my son was born, and I had no idea how I was going to handle being a student and a mommy, but somehow, God made a way. With the help of public assistance, I was able to start my 8 week old son in part time day care, while I attended my classes. I remember being so determined, and how my goal was to make straight A's, which I did. I've made the Dean's List thrice, and I'm a member of the Honors Program. I can't believe I'll be finished and have my two year degree next month! It's been a long time coming, and I'm so glad I've finally followed through with a lifetime goal of mine.
As I try to mentally prepare myself, and stay on track to graduate, I often feel large amounts of stressure. I start to fear the what if's: what if I don't graduate, what if I can't find a job, what if all of this was a waste of time, what if I have to go back to school as soon as I'm done here, what if, what if, what if???? Did I take on too much this semester? 5 classes, 15 credit hours, 2 online classes, 3 2000 Level courses, what on Eartha Kitt was I thinking??!! But then I look around and remind myself that I've made it this far. Why would I turn around now? I've successfully completed 4 semesters and this is the last one. I'm not failing, or in danger of failing any of my classes, and I've passed every test. I've missed a few assignments here and there, but nothing that would have a huge negative impact on my grade. For these last four weeks, "ain't nuthin to it, but to do it." I've got to bust my hump, stay focused, burn the midnight oil, and get er' done. Only I can stop me. I am my biggest fan and my biggest opponent. I just want to finish.
As I prepare to walk across the stage, I'm also preparing to walk down the aisle! That is enough pressure within itself! The what if's come back with full force when I think about the lifetime commitment of marriage: what if I suck as a wife, what if my husband becomes a completely different person after we get married, what if we get divorced, what if one of us gets sick or injured??? What if, what if, what if???? These are natural fears that I have as a newlywed. I guess you'd call it cold feet. Just like having a child, or going back to school, or starting your life all over on a green comfy couch in your parents basement, marriage is a grown up choice, that should be taken seriously after much thought and even more prayer. I cannot wait for this month to be over. I'm a walking, talking, typing pressure cooker. My son keeps me sane.
A wise woman told me that while you are in the storm it seems so much more worse than it is, but once you come out, you'll realize it was all worth it.
As I try to mentally prepare myself, and stay on track to graduate, I often feel large amounts of stressure. I start to fear the what if's: what if I don't graduate, what if I can't find a job, what if all of this was a waste of time, what if I have to go back to school as soon as I'm done here, what if, what if, what if???? Did I take on too much this semester? 5 classes, 15 credit hours, 2 online classes, 3 2000 Level courses, what on Eartha Kitt was I thinking??!! But then I look around and remind myself that I've made it this far. Why would I turn around now? I've successfully completed 4 semesters and this is the last one. I'm not failing, or in danger of failing any of my classes, and I've passed every test. I've missed a few assignments here and there, but nothing that would have a huge negative impact on my grade. For these last four weeks, "ain't nuthin to it, but to do it." I've got to bust my hump, stay focused, burn the midnight oil, and get er' done. Only I can stop me. I am my biggest fan and my biggest opponent. I just want to finish.
As I prepare to walk across the stage, I'm also preparing to walk down the aisle! That is enough pressure within itself! The what if's come back with full force when I think about the lifetime commitment of marriage: what if I suck as a wife, what if my husband becomes a completely different person after we get married, what if we get divorced, what if one of us gets sick or injured??? What if, what if, what if???? These are natural fears that I have as a newlywed. I guess you'd call it cold feet. Just like having a child, or going back to school, or starting your life all over on a green comfy couch in your parents basement, marriage is a grown up choice, that should be taken seriously after much thought and even more prayer. I cannot wait for this month to be over. I'm a walking, talking, typing pressure cooker. My son keeps me sane.
A wise woman told me that while you are in the storm it seems so much more worse than it is, but once you come out, you'll realize it was all worth it.
Comments
Post a Comment