New Relationship Recap Months 4-6: Days 91-180

New Relationship Recap Months 4-6: Days 91-180

The Deciding Phase: Today is July 3rd. Happy belated Juneteenth! We are going into month six of our relationship. The honeymoon phase has long faded away as reality has started to set in. Any and all facades or heirs put on in the beginning have dissipated. We are fully present with one another. Our personalities have wholly emerged. We are entirely transparent. In many relationships, at this point, people choose to either walk away or stay. We've decided to stay together.

Days 91-180 RECAP: When the hearts and butterflies vanish, and rose colored glasses are placed on the shelf, the true marathon begins. Our lives have collided. I've practically moved in. Our daily affairs are intertwining. Any aggravations, irritations and ripples in life are no longer concealed by distance and time. Two humans from two completely different walks of life are beginning to become one. A fusion of energy, thoughts, beliefs, habits, patterns, emotions etc. 

Over these last 90 days we have had disagreements. We have experienced contrast with one another. We are finding our rhythm and carving out what our relationship means to us individually and collectively. This is the foundational stage where the real work begins. I finally understand the meaning of the phrase, "relationships take work." 

Now that we have decided to commit to one another, the work comes mostly in the form of communication. Not just talking, but listening as well. Becoming aware of and in tune with the other persons needs and feelings; being willing to apologize or say I'm sorry, even if you truly feel like you didn't do anything wrong. 

We still do our monthly relationship check-in where we take a few minutes out of our day, and give one another our undivided attention. 

We ask the following questions: 

1.) What can I do to make you feel loved and appreciated?

2.) What did I do in the past month to make you feel loved and appreciated?

3.) In the upcoming month are you going to need more time together or more space for yourself?

4.) How do you feel about our sex life right now?

5.) Is there anything else you want to talk about or discuss that may be difficult?

Every 30 days we reassess the strengths and areas of improvement needed to enhance our relationship. 

Learning From the Past

Commitment and following through have been a challenge for the both of us in past relationships. When things got difficult or challenging we didn't bother hanging in there and working it out. Our independent attitudes allowed us to chuck a deuce and keep it moving. However, now we are both in our early 30's. We both have children and want to be an example to them through our bond. We don't want the now daunting task of bringing yet another stranger around our family. We don't want the humiliation of showing up solo at the next family function because "things just didn't work out." 

We have agreed to never threaten our relationship. A break up is not a solution. It's a cop out. Unless of course something like blatant disrespect, abuse, etc., occurs. Marriage is the ultimate goal. Marriage is eternal. 

I'll be back with another update soon. Until then, have fun, play hard and do some nothing!