Reflecting on my Ex
I don't know how many of you have ever been divorced, or had your marriage dissolved or annulled, but I do know it's weird. Do you agree? My marriage only lasted for a few months and I feel some type of way, even after being divorced for almost two months.
I'm dating again, which is extremely weird. Although I was married briefly, I learned a lot. I learned that I'm never going to waste my time with any random guy just because I'm lonely or because he has something that I want. I learned that I will attract a man who is similar to me in my life right now. That alone is scary because I'm a mess. I'm going through things with my son, and I'm pretty much emotionally unstable. I'm not looking for love on these dates, just getting out of the house basically. Without a car, I spend way too much time at home. It's good to get out sometimes. But no, I don't see myself in a relationship for a long, long, long, long time.
I have got to get myself together first. My Granny always said, "God bless the child that's got his own." I have my own place, but that's just the beginning. I need a job, a car, and most importantly my second degree. Once I get my Bachelor's degree I'll be able to look at careers that pay upwards of $50,000 per year. My Associates degree has only landed me $10/hour dead end jobs.
Going into my next relationship, I'll be looking for a partner more so than a sole provider. I'm not a child, and I don't want to go into a relationship depending on my man to take care of EVERYTHING. I've given up my independence too many times in my past relationships. I'm too ambitious, driven and talented to go down that same beaten path. That's one mistake I made going into my marriage.My ex husband was an excellent provider. Now that he's gone I have to start all over and learn how to once again take care of myself.
I've been dreaming about my ex husband lately. I haven't seen or heard from him since the divorce was final. I still think of him sometimes. I often wonder if I should've just hung in there, and really fought for my marriage, refusing to sign the dissolution papers. I always try to picture how life would be if I were still married. I'll never know for sure. I guess everything happens for a reason.
I don't regret leaving. I don't long for him on lonely nights. I don't try to call him or text him, or check his social media accounts. Yet, sometimes thoughts flash across my mind. We did have some good times. We had some great times. At one point, we were very close acquaintances. We used to have long talks on the phone every night. We used to laugh and joke together. I liked him, he was a great guy. Unfortunately, things fall apart. I don't hate him. I don't wish any harm or ill will on him. I can honestly say I learned more about myself, and I've become stronger.
My son still asks about him sometimes. I tell him the truth. That he and mommy aren't married anymore and that he has his own house now. I bet his children ask about me sometimes. Marriage is a spiritual bond no matter how long or short the duration. Will I ever get married again? Maybe. For now, I'm learning to love myself and focusing on getting through this tough season with my son.
P.S. I'll be going through relationship counseling, premarital counseling, dating boot camp, trust activities, financial seminars, 8 week relationship programs, work books, text books and religious books next time I even think about saying the word marriage to someone. Marriage ain't nothin to play with!
I'm dating again, which is extremely weird. Although I was married briefly, I learned a lot. I learned that I'm never going to waste my time with any random guy just because I'm lonely or because he has something that I want. I learned that I will attract a man who is similar to me in my life right now. That alone is scary because I'm a mess. I'm going through things with my son, and I'm pretty much emotionally unstable. I'm not looking for love on these dates, just getting out of the house basically. Without a car, I spend way too much time at home. It's good to get out sometimes. But no, I don't see myself in a relationship for a long, long, long, long time.
I have got to get myself together first. My Granny always said, "God bless the child that's got his own." I have my own place, but that's just the beginning. I need a job, a car, and most importantly my second degree. Once I get my Bachelor's degree I'll be able to look at careers that pay upwards of $50,000 per year. My Associates degree has only landed me $10/hour dead end jobs.
Going into my next relationship, I'll be looking for a partner more so than a sole provider. I'm not a child, and I don't want to go into a relationship depending on my man to take care of EVERYTHING. I've given up my independence too many times in my past relationships. I'm too ambitious, driven and talented to go down that same beaten path. That's one mistake I made going into my marriage.My ex husband was an excellent provider. Now that he's gone I have to start all over and learn how to once again take care of myself.
I've been dreaming about my ex husband lately. I haven't seen or heard from him since the divorce was final. I still think of him sometimes. I often wonder if I should've just hung in there, and really fought for my marriage, refusing to sign the dissolution papers. I always try to picture how life would be if I were still married. I'll never know for sure. I guess everything happens for a reason.
I don't regret leaving. I don't long for him on lonely nights. I don't try to call him or text him, or check his social media accounts. Yet, sometimes thoughts flash across my mind. We did have some good times. We had some great times. At one point, we were very close acquaintances. We used to have long talks on the phone every night. We used to laugh and joke together. I liked him, he was a great guy. Unfortunately, things fall apart. I don't hate him. I don't wish any harm or ill will on him. I can honestly say I learned more about myself, and I've become stronger.
My son still asks about him sometimes. I tell him the truth. That he and mommy aren't married anymore and that he has his own house now. I bet his children ask about me sometimes. Marriage is a spiritual bond no matter how long or short the duration. Will I ever get married again? Maybe. For now, I'm learning to love myself and focusing on getting through this tough season with my son.
P.S. I'll be going through relationship counseling, premarital counseling, dating boot camp, trust activities, financial seminars, 8 week relationship programs, work books, text books and religious books next time I even think about saying the word marriage to someone. Marriage ain't nothin to play with!
Comments
Post a Comment