Same Zebra, Same Stripes

 I cannot wait to remove the weight of being legally married. I get it. My first husband was "married" when we first met. He wasn't living with her, she was with someone else, and they were in the process of a divorce. Yet, because he was still married on paper, I felt some type of way. I get it now Lumumba. I get it. 

This time around, I'm not going to do any online dating. Too many weirdos in the past. That means I must be social and be outside. Yesterday I went out to Bar 5015. I found out about this place from a blog about the best spots for black people to kick it in Houston. It just so happened that this place was hosting an SWV concert. The tickets were only $25, so I purchased one to treat myself.

I had second thoughts about going all day. But I didn't want to waste my money, and I wanted to stick to my goal of meeting new people in real life. As I got dressed, I didn't feel pretty at all. My body is out of. shape, my wig was cheap and wasn't glued down, I didn't like my makeup, and I wasn't crazy about my accessories. I just didn't feel right or like myself.

But, I was committed to going out, so I did. The doors opened at 8:00pm, but I left the house at 6:00pm. I knew traffic and parking would probably be a mess, so I wanted to be early. Lo and behold, there was only one car in the lot when I arrived! As I backed into the parking space, a young man approached my car slowly and awkwardly. His eyes glued to his phone. I rolled down the window and asked how I could help him. 

He said, "It's $40 to park here." 

I said, "Excuse me? I didn't see a sign that said $40." 

"That's why I'm here. To park here it costs $40."

"OK. No thank you."

$40 to park my car? This is not Beverly Hills and we are not here to see Beyonce. I drove around the neighborhood and found free parking on a safe, well lit street. The area was nice and there were condos and luxury vehicles, so I felt comfortable and secure. I sat in my car scrolling on social media, people watching, and sipping on some cheap wine. I glanced in the mirror a few times at my awry placed wig, and decided I wasn't going inside until after dark. 

Once the sun started to disappear, and the moon was getting ready to take the stage, I started to become nervous. Why am I here? I'm by myself. What if no one talks to me? What if someone talks to me? What if I look crazy? Am I too young to feel this old or too old to feel this young? Why am I here?

I let the feelings flow. I felt strange because it was my first time out by myself in a while. I mean, I had just took myself out to Bar Louie for their happy hour. But I had my laptop and I wasn't in a club setting. I looked myself in the mirror, gave me a pep talk, finished my wine, and proceeded to walk to the club. It was still pretty early so it wasn't packed. I looked around for a place to sit, but most of the tables were reserved. So, I went to the bar and got a drink. They didn't serve wine so I got a random cocktail. It was blue and gross. I went back outside with my drink and posted up in the corner.

I took out my book and started reading. I figured either guys are going to look at me like I'm crazy for reading a book at the club, or a curious guy is going to walk up to me and start an intelligent or idiotic conversation. Actually, neither happened. What happened next was very unexpected. I looked up and saw my friend Tomas. 

Now, Tomas and I first met in LA about 15 years ago at a denim and white party. We dated briefly and kept in touch over the years. He moved to Houston a few years back. I notarized his oath to practice law here in the state of Texas. We hung out a few times having drinks and doing karaoke. Recently, we've been messaging on IG. Nothing serious. So when I saw him, I was super shocked. I went over to him and gave him a hug. He looked great! (Aside from the black toenail polish on his feet. WEIRD.) 

He had been hosting some friends from L.A. and he reserved one of the tables. Actually the table that was right in front of me. I hadn't even looked at the sign on the table. It had his name on it...

Anywho, he asked who I was with. I pointed to my book. We laughed and he invited me to join him at his table. I sat in a chair, he sat on a stool. I sat up way higher than him and it made him feel some type of way. We played musical chairs until he found a chair where he could sit on high and feel more like a king then a peasant. Men... Leo men...

We talked and laughed and took pics and flirted. He reminded me that I was legally married still. He told me that he had invited his new girlfriend whom he had met a few days prior. I said cool, I'm not going to be disrespectful when she arrives. I even grabbed an extra chair for her. Tomas ordered ginger beer, Tito's vodka, cranberry juice and orange juice. His friends arrived and he allowed a few other people to sit at his table as well.

Tomas is very successful. He always has been since I've known him. Even at 51, he can still party like a rock star. Same zebra, same stripes. Tomas loves young beautiful women. He is still in love with the 22 year old me. I'm not that girl anymore. I'm a new confident ambitious woman. And I'm married. For the second time. 

I'm grateful for seeing him. I felt saved. I didn't have to sit in the corner reading my book. I didn't have to. fake fun by being alone. I didn't have to force myself to be fake friends with random girls. I did see a tall dark bearded handsome man. But I waited until the last minute to build up the courage to go talk to him. By that time, he already made his choice. He started talking to another lady. I missed my window. Side note, my next boyfriend will be tall, dark, bearded, handsome, fit, and successful.

Back at the table with Tomas and friends, we drank, sang songs, danced, laughed, and met new friends. When SWV finally came out after midnight, they performed two songs and dipped smh. Tomas left with his PYT. Earlier, I had asked him to walk me to my car. That went out the window. But since I parked far away, I wasn't going to walk to my car at 1:00am alone.

As I was walking out of the club, I saw a nice looking gentleman standing in line. I said, "Excuse me sir, could I pay you to walk me to my car?" He obliged without hesitation. I thanked him and gave him $20. He reluctantly took it after 3 or for times of politely refusing. He was cute friendly and kind. A Pisces man named Justin. 34 years old, no kids. An Assistant Professor at PrairieView A&M. In a long distance relationship with a girl in Atlanta. He drives a Nissan too. We had a cool conversation. He said, "Ramona you're really cool." I said, "I am. I'm big lil sis lol." 

We got to my car and I drove him back up to the club. We exchanged numbers and followed each other on IG. I think he's sweet, but I can't chase like I always do. It was a pleasure meeting Justin.

I ended the night by stopping at Taco Bell. I ate and cried. I felt sorry for myself for being out of shape, eating trash, and going home to sleep alone on a couch. 

During this time, it's rough. But I know I'm about to step into a flow of greater. I can't wait to get my job, get divorced, and get on the right track to success and abundance. Healing, freedom, and prosperity.