The Aquarian Man

"OMG what is it with me and Aquarians?" I asked out of despair, longing and intrigue.

"You know your rising is Aquarius. Overall attraction will be there. But that's not what you need. You will keep having the same experience with them until you actually listen to the universe and let that go. It will always be good in the beginning but that's not what will fulfill you. You really should take time for self and listen to your higher self before connecting yourself with the same energy just in a different body. Clear your mind fully and look at the overall picture. It will not work unless you are ok with taking on what comes with them." She replied.

1, Aquarius, 2 Aquarius, 3, Aquarius, 4. 

Martin. Oz. Chris. T. 

My longest relationships have been with men of the Astrological Sun sign Aquarius. She's right. It's always fun in the beginning. Lots of laughs. Lots of fun and adventurous experiences. Yet, as time goes by the realities and differences set in. As a Capricorn, I am more serious, pragmatic and controlling at the core. I can be very stubborn too. These men cannot be controlled, refuse to be controlled. Will rebel if they feel like they are being controlled. These men move how they want to move, love their freedom, and are playas. They are stubborn and won't budge until they are ready to. They can also become very detached. They aren't extremely emotional. They are deep thinkers and think they know it all.

They all have deep chocolate skin, were athletic with great physiques, and most had great beards like a Black Zeus. I fell in love with each one and it lasted for a few years, then crashed and burned. Patterns...

If it's not what I need, then why does it keep coming back to me? Maybe I should just take it for what it is. No need to be in a relationship or even be thinking about marriage, especially if I know from the beginning that it's not going to work. The loom of doom. I am really going to take my time and think this through...

I just met T on Monday. We are co-stars in a small feature film here in Houston. I play his late wife Melanie. Before I met him, I prayed that he was good looking so that we'd have good chemistry for the film. Not only did I think he was attractive when I first saw him, but I found out he was 6'6. OMG tall, dark and handsome bearded black men are my weakness! And lucky for me, I get to build a bond outside of script rehearsals so that we have true chemistry on camera. 

Well, now that I think about it, it's actually a good thing that he's my type. The challenge for me will be separating reality from fantasy. I'm all about a good fantasy. But I get so caught up in the dream and the good feels, that I don't want to let it go. I literally thought about this man all night long. I watched his YouTube videos, listened to his podcast, and scrolled repeatedly through his IG pics. Stalkerish right?

I guess I just like having a crush. It helps me remember that I am a woman, that I am alive! Life can be so boring when you're alone. I just have to accept it for what it is and for what it isn't. This is going to be a fling. If I let it get passed that stage it's just going to lead to another heartbreak. I know this for sure. 

I met a Pisces man the other night, but he just walked me to my car. He hasn't called or text since then. I'll have to keep meeting new people so I don't put all my eggs in one basket. Repeating old patterns is what got me here in the first place. The truth is it was over before it started. I got too attached too fast, and I didn't let myself see the full version of the man before I decided to move fast, merge lives, say I love you, and get married.

I could accept my fate as a hopeless romantic, or I could go in as a Capricorn first and a rising Aquarian second. I'm thinking about the future and another heartbreak ain't in it. Period.