DEAD Beat Dad
Would I consider my biological father a dead beat dad? The man who said he'd quit his job before he'd pay child support... The man who was known for hitting on women. The man who spent more money on alcohol and drugs than on his own children. The man who never helped me with homework, never gave me advice about relationships and men, never put a dollar towards my prom, college, or rent. The man who was always there, but never REALLY there. The man God chose to be half responsible for my existence, would I call him a dead beat dad? NO.
Society may put that label on him, and friends and family may believe it as well. But as I learn more about myself and others, I realize that my father is simply human. Us humans go through many experiences that damage us. I am learning to see past the damage and accept him for who he is. I pray to God that my son will do the same for me.
My father may not have been great at parenting, but he's perfected many other art forms. My dad is one of the most beautifully skilled martial artists I've ever met. He mastered the art of Gung Fu, a form of Kung Fu where weapon training is included. I remember being mesmerized as I watched my dad practice with the nun chucks. Peace, beauty and grace surrounded him like an aura as he effortlessly swung the nun chucks over his shoulders, behind his back and between his legs swiftly and to a steady beat. His yellow hands always perfectly manicured, seemed to sweet talk the weapon and control it with the softest touch. My dad is also a beast with swords, the 3 sectional staff, and many other weapons of martial art. He has a Red sash in Gung Fu, and even as an adult I can tell he invested years of practice and passion into the martial arts.
My dad is talented at practically everything! My father has the most exquisite penmanship. His cursive is captivating. When he signs his name on a document he takes his time. It's like he becomes one with the pen, paper and universe. He can sing like the guys in the groups from the 60's, 70's, and 80's. Groups like The Deele, The Whispers and Earth, Wind and Fire. He has that falsetto and can hit those really high notes in songs like "Straight From The Heart" by Con Funk Shun and "Always & Forever" by Heatwave. I'm smiling as I remember all the house parties when my aunts and uncles would stand in a circle singing and enjoying each other's inebriated harmonies.
My dad can dance too, he was the first man I hand danced with. Although I haven't hand danced since I still have those memories. Another thing my dad does so well, is cooking. He's the grill master, and has barbecued at EVERY event, party and picnic for the last 40 years. He's an artist too. When I was pregnant with my son he drew me an abstract picture of shapes and patterns using markers of my favorite colors. Of course I framed it and hung it up. My Granny would always say that my dad was the "jack of all trades, master of none." I'm telling you my dad is a superman. He can fix things, write poetry, decorate, speak German, he's extremely neat, he's friendly, and he has the most alluring brown eyes I've ever seen (he gave them to my son.)
My son's middle name is Romaine, my dad's namesake. His legacy will live on through his first born grandson.
No matter how many of my expectations he failed to meet as my father, he's still a very fascinating man. We all go through a lot of messed up things in life, and those things have a nasty affect on our relationships. Our relationship with ourselves reflects our relationships with our children, spouse, family and friends. When we don't acknowledge our issues and don't try to heal our emotional wounds, the pain festers. We turn to bad habits in order to ease the pain. The pain subsides temporarily, but it's always there sitting, forming a cesspool of animosity, self hate and confusion. Whatever damage my dad has experienced is not my business. It's not my job to fix it, and it's not my obligation to try and suggest that he fixes it. My job as a daughter is to love, respect and enjoy the man the Universe picked out just for me to help bring me into this world.
Truth be told, a lot of my strength comes from finding my way without a strong male presence. I would not have the wisdom, confidence and strength that I now have, had it not been for the rough lessons I learned teaching myself how to survive. And honestly right now, with my dad and son fighting two completely different battles with cancer, had I been extremely emotionally attached to my dad, life would be Hell right now with a sick child and a sick parent.
I'm grateful to God for the path He chose for me. I'm grateful for the amazing people He used as vessels to bring life to me. Both of my parents are wonderful, happy, giving individuals. Parenting is a skill, a job, a gift, some people are better at it than others. I forgive myself and I forgive my parents. I'm learning to let go of the past, to let go of the anger and resentment I've built up against my dad. He's no Mr. Huxtable, but he's mine, my father, my daddy. I love him for the man that he is, not the man that I wish he was or could have been. I know him, he's been there my entire life, and in his own special way I know my daddy loves me too.
Society may put that label on him, and friends and family may believe it as well. But as I learn more about myself and others, I realize that my father is simply human. Us humans go through many experiences that damage us. I am learning to see past the damage and accept him for who he is. I pray to God that my son will do the same for me.
My father may not have been great at parenting, but he's perfected many other art forms. My dad is one of the most beautifully skilled martial artists I've ever met. He mastered the art of Gung Fu, a form of Kung Fu where weapon training is included. I remember being mesmerized as I watched my dad practice with the nun chucks. Peace, beauty and grace surrounded him like an aura as he effortlessly swung the nun chucks over his shoulders, behind his back and between his legs swiftly and to a steady beat. His yellow hands always perfectly manicured, seemed to sweet talk the weapon and control it with the softest touch. My dad is also a beast with swords, the 3 sectional staff, and many other weapons of martial art. He has a Red sash in Gung Fu, and even as an adult I can tell he invested years of practice and passion into the martial arts.
My dad is talented at practically everything! My father has the most exquisite penmanship. His cursive is captivating. When he signs his name on a document he takes his time. It's like he becomes one with the pen, paper and universe. He can sing like the guys in the groups from the 60's, 70's, and 80's. Groups like The Deele, The Whispers and Earth, Wind and Fire. He has that falsetto and can hit those really high notes in songs like "Straight From The Heart" by Con Funk Shun and "Always & Forever" by Heatwave. I'm smiling as I remember all the house parties when my aunts and uncles would stand in a circle singing and enjoying each other's inebriated harmonies.
My dad can dance too, he was the first man I hand danced with. Although I haven't hand danced since I still have those memories. Another thing my dad does so well, is cooking. He's the grill master, and has barbecued at EVERY event, party and picnic for the last 40 years. He's an artist too. When I was pregnant with my son he drew me an abstract picture of shapes and patterns using markers of my favorite colors. Of course I framed it and hung it up. My Granny would always say that my dad was the "jack of all trades, master of none." I'm telling you my dad is a superman. He can fix things, write poetry, decorate, speak German, he's extremely neat, he's friendly, and he has the most alluring brown eyes I've ever seen (he gave them to my son.)
My son's middle name is Romaine, my dad's namesake. His legacy will live on through his first born grandson.
No matter how many of my expectations he failed to meet as my father, he's still a very fascinating man. We all go through a lot of messed up things in life, and those things have a nasty affect on our relationships. Our relationship with ourselves reflects our relationships with our children, spouse, family and friends. When we don't acknowledge our issues and don't try to heal our emotional wounds, the pain festers. We turn to bad habits in order to ease the pain. The pain subsides temporarily, but it's always there sitting, forming a cesspool of animosity, self hate and confusion. Whatever damage my dad has experienced is not my business. It's not my job to fix it, and it's not my obligation to try and suggest that he fixes it. My job as a daughter is to love, respect and enjoy the man the Universe picked out just for me to help bring me into this world.
Truth be told, a lot of my strength comes from finding my way without a strong male presence. I would not have the wisdom, confidence and strength that I now have, had it not been for the rough lessons I learned teaching myself how to survive. And honestly right now, with my dad and son fighting two completely different battles with cancer, had I been extremely emotionally attached to my dad, life would be Hell right now with a sick child and a sick parent.
I'm grateful to God for the path He chose for me. I'm grateful for the amazing people He used as vessels to bring life to me. Both of my parents are wonderful, happy, giving individuals. Parenting is a skill, a job, a gift, some people are better at it than others. I forgive myself and I forgive my parents. I'm learning to let go of the past, to let go of the anger and resentment I've built up against my dad. He's no Mr. Huxtable, but he's mine, my father, my daddy. I love him for the man that he is, not the man that I wish he was or could have been. I know him, he's been there my entire life, and in his own special way I know my daddy loves me too.
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