Lose To Win
I love that song by Fantasia. Even though she was talking about a relationship, I feel the hurt. Most of my family and friends know that public speaking is my passion, and this past Saturday I was defeated. After winning at club level, area level, and the divisional level, I placed 3rd in the district competition. ****Had I been victorious, I would be competing in the Toastmasters International World Public Speaking championship Semi-Finals in Las Vegas.**** Last year, I lost at the divisional level so winning at that level this year gave me so much confidence! I just knew I'd take it all this year!
But after my name was announced for 3rd place I felt disgusted. I felt discouraged. I felt disappointed. I had practiced so many times. I had watched hours of other people's speeches making sure I knew what the judges were looking for. Yet, in my mind it wasn't adequate enough because I'd lost. In the heat of the moment, I was upset about not winning. But after getting over my initial reaction a few days later, I sat down and asked myself a question. It was a question that never crossed my mind through the entire process of competing level after level. "Why do you want to win?"
My ego and I have a strange relationship. I'm trying to become more humble and make my purpose more meaningful to other people and not just myself. My ego interferes with that A LOT. The fact that I do love being the center of attention doesn't help tame my ego either. When I won at the divisional level, the only thing on my mind was that I'd beaten the guy who I lost to last year. When I didn't win at district level the only thing on my mind was that I didn't get the big shiny trophy or the ticket to Vegas. But there's a blessing in every lesson...
Life is so funny sometimes. My ego prevents me from seeing the bigger picture. My ego tells me it's all about me, me, ME. Even my speech was all about me. One reason why I didn't place 1st was because I didn't engage the audience enough. This 'ME' thing is going to have to cease if I truly want to be successful. Why? Because with much success comes much failure. If my ego is bruised every time I take a loss, that could potentially deter me from competing. It could allow resentment and anger to build up and could cost me my dream. Apparently, it was Kitty's year to advance to the finals. Everything happens for a reason and in a season. Clearly, there are more things I need to learn, and more knowledge I need to gain about public speaking. 3rd place isn't losing. The only loser is the one who thinks winning is the most important thing.
With my focus on winning, I missed out on the entire journey itself. The beauty of the path to districts flashed before my eyes. I should've celebrated at every level, but instead I just shifted my focus to the next win. I never reached out to any of my fellow toastmasters, I never asked about how other people had gotten as far as I had. It was all about me and snapping that picture of MY new trophy to post on Facebook and Instagram.
Lucky for me, speaking is my passion and I'll never give it up. And once I take my ego out of it I know I'll begin to develop an even stronger love and passion for my GIFT. A gift, is something we give to others. We don't hog it all up for ourselves...
****P.S. I booked a trip to Vegas in February, but it got cancelled. When I found out the Speaking Championship would be in Vegas I simply switched the dates. So I was going to be there whether I'd won or not. Trust and believe I'll be at that competition with a pen and a pad, preparing myself for when I'm on that stage next year!****
But after my name was announced for 3rd place I felt disgusted. I felt discouraged. I felt disappointed. I had practiced so many times. I had watched hours of other people's speeches making sure I knew what the judges were looking for. Yet, in my mind it wasn't adequate enough because I'd lost. In the heat of the moment, I was upset about not winning. But after getting over my initial reaction a few days later, I sat down and asked myself a question. It was a question that never crossed my mind through the entire process of competing level after level. "Why do you want to win?"
My ego and I have a strange relationship. I'm trying to become more humble and make my purpose more meaningful to other people and not just myself. My ego interferes with that A LOT. The fact that I do love being the center of attention doesn't help tame my ego either. When I won at the divisional level, the only thing on my mind was that I'd beaten the guy who I lost to last year. When I didn't win at district level the only thing on my mind was that I didn't get the big shiny trophy or the ticket to Vegas. But there's a blessing in every lesson...
Life is so funny sometimes. My ego prevents me from seeing the bigger picture. My ego tells me it's all about me, me, ME. Even my speech was all about me. One reason why I didn't place 1st was because I didn't engage the audience enough. This 'ME' thing is going to have to cease if I truly want to be successful. Why? Because with much success comes much failure. If my ego is bruised every time I take a loss, that could potentially deter me from competing. It could allow resentment and anger to build up and could cost me my dream. Apparently, it was Kitty's year to advance to the finals. Everything happens for a reason and in a season. Clearly, there are more things I need to learn, and more knowledge I need to gain about public speaking. 3rd place isn't losing. The only loser is the one who thinks winning is the most important thing.
With my focus on winning, I missed out on the entire journey itself. The beauty of the path to districts flashed before my eyes. I should've celebrated at every level, but instead I just shifted my focus to the next win. I never reached out to any of my fellow toastmasters, I never asked about how other people had gotten as far as I had. It was all about me and snapping that picture of MY new trophy to post on Facebook and Instagram.
Lucky for me, speaking is my passion and I'll never give it up. And once I take my ego out of it I know I'll begin to develop an even stronger love and passion for my GIFT. A gift, is something we give to others. We don't hog it all up for ourselves...
****P.S. I booked a trip to Vegas in February, but it got cancelled. When I found out the Speaking Championship would be in Vegas I simply switched the dates. So I was going to be there whether I'd won or not. Trust and believe I'll be at that competition with a pen and a pad, preparing myself for when I'm on that stage next year!****
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