Getting Back to Normal
(WARNING: THIS POST IS A MOMMY POST!!!!!)
It's been 20 months since I gave birth, and 7 months since I stopped breast feeding my son. I must say that I'm officially "back to normal." My hormones are regulated, my weight is once again evenly distributed, and my breasts are, well, as normal as possible after the life has been literally sucked out of them for over a year. My son is going into a very independent stage and although he still needs me and is very affectionate, it's not like I am still his sole source of nourishment and nutrition. My menstrual cycle returned around August of last year, and I was disgusted since I hadn't had a period in 2 years; 9 months during the pregnancy and 13 months of nursing. However, upon returning to Cleveland in August I was in a close proximity to 3 other women who were regularly menstruating (or about to start), and I'm sure that brought on some hormonal changes within me. Prior to coming back home, I was in Texas with my sister who was also nursing her newborn son, so our hormones were pretty much still in sync with no periods in sight.
This week marks yet another cycle, and I feel absolutely hormonal. I am crabby, tired, and drained. I seriously don't understand how us women can still complete daily tasks like working, swimming, and parenting while literally bleeding from our cores for 3-7 days STRAIGHT!! Another female phenomenon. Today I can feel the normalcy in my demeanor. When I was pregnant, my life was about my fetus, but still mostly about me. My body went through so many different types of changes, more so the humongous belly, in addition to gestational diabetes, swollen feet and the Linea negra. Then once I gave birth everything immediately changed. Every ounce of my everything was directly focused on my baby. I couldn't sleep because I wanted to watch him sleep. I was so worried about his well being every minute of every hour of every day. Is he breathing? Is he OK? Is he alive? The answer was always yes, thankfully, but as a new mom I was on high alert 24/7.
Once I stopped nursing him, I must admit I felt a little worthless. I had spent the last year in a position of provision, and it gave me a sense of purpose and pride. But now he drinks from a cup and doesn't need to be attached to my bosom for comfort. Now he comforts himself and wants to play on his own. By the time he was 19 months, he didn't even want me to hold his hand going down the stairs... It's only been a year but the reality is, one day he's not going to need me anymore. Scientists say that human babies take the longest to become independent because of their huge brains at birth. So I guess if he were a bird, or baby bear, or coyote he'd be on his own by now. But still, each new stage we experience is a tough transition.
Lately I've been needing more time to myself. I've been enjoying the quiet moments alone, when he's with his dad. Sometimes I feel bad about it, like I'm being selfish. Yet, other times I feel like it's healthy. I feel like a better me is a better him. I never go weeks at a time without seeing him, and of course I miss him when he's away, but I really do enjoy my time alone. This is another sign of my normalcy, I guess. I remember when he was about 3 months and I left him home with my family just to go around the corner to the store. I couldn't bear it, I missed him before the car even turned the corner off of our street. Now, he can be with his dad for 2 or 3 days and I feel relaxed.
I often think about how life is going to be as the years progress. Yes I value my alone time, but I also value the time I spend with my first born son. I watch movies about children leaving for college and I cry at the thought of my son leaving me. I think about the girlfriends he'll bring home, and the crushes he'll have on certain women. I think about being a grandmother. This parenting thing is interesting. What is normal anyway?
It's been 20 months since I gave birth, and 7 months since I stopped breast feeding my son. I must say that I'm officially "back to normal." My hormones are regulated, my weight is once again evenly distributed, and my breasts are, well, as normal as possible after the life has been literally sucked out of them for over a year. My son is going into a very independent stage and although he still needs me and is very affectionate, it's not like I am still his sole source of nourishment and nutrition. My menstrual cycle returned around August of last year, and I was disgusted since I hadn't had a period in 2 years; 9 months during the pregnancy and 13 months of nursing. However, upon returning to Cleveland in August I was in a close proximity to 3 other women who were regularly menstruating (or about to start), and I'm sure that brought on some hormonal changes within me. Prior to coming back home, I was in Texas with my sister who was also nursing her newborn son, so our hormones were pretty much still in sync with no periods in sight.
This week marks yet another cycle, and I feel absolutely hormonal. I am crabby, tired, and drained. I seriously don't understand how us women can still complete daily tasks like working, swimming, and parenting while literally bleeding from our cores for 3-7 days STRAIGHT!! Another female phenomenon. Today I can feel the normalcy in my demeanor. When I was pregnant, my life was about my fetus, but still mostly about me. My body went through so many different types of changes, more so the humongous belly, in addition to gestational diabetes, swollen feet and the Linea negra. Then once I gave birth everything immediately changed. Every ounce of my everything was directly focused on my baby. I couldn't sleep because I wanted to watch him sleep. I was so worried about his well being every minute of every hour of every day. Is he breathing? Is he OK? Is he alive? The answer was always yes, thankfully, but as a new mom I was on high alert 24/7.
Once I stopped nursing him, I must admit I felt a little worthless. I had spent the last year in a position of provision, and it gave me a sense of purpose and pride. But now he drinks from a cup and doesn't need to be attached to my bosom for comfort. Now he comforts himself and wants to play on his own. By the time he was 19 months, he didn't even want me to hold his hand going down the stairs... It's only been a year but the reality is, one day he's not going to need me anymore. Scientists say that human babies take the longest to become independent because of their huge brains at birth. So I guess if he were a bird, or baby bear, or coyote he'd be on his own by now. But still, each new stage we experience is a tough transition.
Lately I've been needing more time to myself. I've been enjoying the quiet moments alone, when he's with his dad. Sometimes I feel bad about it, like I'm being selfish. Yet, other times I feel like it's healthy. I feel like a better me is a better him. I never go weeks at a time without seeing him, and of course I miss him when he's away, but I really do enjoy my time alone. This is another sign of my normalcy, I guess. I remember when he was about 3 months and I left him home with my family just to go around the corner to the store. I couldn't bear it, I missed him before the car even turned the corner off of our street. Now, he can be with his dad for 2 or 3 days and I feel relaxed.
I often think about how life is going to be as the years progress. Yes I value my alone time, but I also value the time I spend with my first born son. I watch movies about children leaving for college and I cry at the thought of my son leaving me. I think about the girlfriends he'll bring home, and the crushes he'll have on certain women. I think about being a grandmother. This parenting thing is interesting. What is normal anyway?
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