Each Day Is New

Yesterday was a day full of emotions. After a few glasses of wine, I "got in my feelings." I called a few exes, sent a few mean texts, and stirred up some unnecessary drama. The emotions that I suppress on a day to day basis often spill over once spirits are consumed. I've been hurt by guys a lot. It's my fault for allowing myself to be hurt by them, but it's still painful nonetheless. Do I consider myself a drama queen? Absolutely not. Feeling pain and strong emotions is normal. Our emotions guide us and give us signals.

I learned a long time ago to be with my emotions. To stop feeling like I must conceal and hide my true feelings. I've also learned to NEVER sin or act in anger. However, if I'm sad, I don't have to pretend like I'm happy. If I'm excited I don't have to act like I'm cool. It's OK to cry when I feel overwhelmed. It's fine for me to acknowledge when I feel however I'm feeling, and accept how I truly feel.

The things I've learned from my 3 year  old son... When he is happy and excited he smiles, sings loudly, jumps up and down, and gets a little antsy. When he is sad he falls down and cries loudly. When he is mad, he goes to his room, screams, throws his pillow and stomps his feet. I appreciate his open and honest expressions of his true feelings. He doesn't hold it in. And the beauty of dealing with his emotions head on like that is, once he releases how he feels he quickly gets back to normal.

There's a difference between being weak and trying to be strong. Most of us think that showing emotion is a sign of weakness. We think that holding it together means that we are strong. I disagree. I remember being at home during the time my son was going through radiation. He had gone to spend a few days with his dad, and the moment they left and the door closed I broke down. I cried and cried and cried. I screamed out to God and told him how I felt. I asked Him why, how and what. I cried a puddle of tears, and yelled to the top of my lungs releasing all of the pain, anger and sadness.

When my dad died, I sat and cried for hours while on the phone with one of my best friends. I talked about how I felt and I was honest and truthful about the good, bad, and ugly. I even wrote a blog about it to help me deal with my grief. Now many people were upset about the post I wrote about MY dad. But that's because people aren't comfortable with realness sometimes. I loved my father however, I was not going to paint a fantasy picture to fit the canvas of someone else. My feelings are all my own, and I won't contort them or water them down to make other people feel comfortable. Expressing my true inner feelings calms me, releases stress, and keeps me sane.

Drinking alcohol seems to dredge up suppressed emotions. Be it good or bad, a few drinks will either make someone extremely friendly, or uncontrollably angry. "Drunk mind, sober tongue." Yesterday, I said some things that were rude and obnoxious. I sent some text messages that were out of my character. I sent some snapchats that were instigated by some Drake songs. I sent some DM's on Instagram that were vulgar and disrespectful. Although I have no regrets, I do know that there are some feelings and emotions inside of me that need to be released. I definitely need to go the the emotional laundromat.

That was yesterday. Today, I'm over it. I'm back at homeostasis and I have no quips or qualms with myself. I'm glad I let out my feelings. I'm glad I let it be known how I felt and how this person made me feel.

The great thing about this life is that even when we have a rough today, tomorrow brings a completely new and blank day. We have the freedom to change our thoughts and actions. We don't have to be stuck in the previous days happenings. Each day we are washed, cleansed, and refreshed. Today, I was baptized in newness. I woke up feeling revamped, released, and ready to basque in the purity of these fresh moments. The waves of love washed over me, and I arose from my bed feeling light and airy.

I looked myself in the mirror, smiled, and recited my daily affirmations. Yesterday is washed away. Today is a new beginning. And the next day, and the next day, and the next day...