3 Years King

Looking at the pictures of me birthing to my son astounds me. I still can't quite grasp the phenomenal journey of conception, pregnancy and birth. It's an effortless process, but so miraculous all at once. How can this tiny splat of protoplasm grow into an amazing and perfect being? In 3 years my son has grown into a handsome little King. I still can't believe he was inside of my belly for 9 whole months!! I still can't believe that in order for him to get here, he had to literally come through me. I had to carry him inside of me, and then push him out of me into the world. WOW. Moms rule!!

Happy Mothers Day to me! Happy birthday to my son! 

This is his first birthday in Ohio. For his 1st birthday, we celebrated with my sister and her family in Houston, Texas. For Ryan's 2nd birthday, we celebrated in Arlington, Texas with my cousins. His dad was unable to attend either celebration, so he's got Ryan to himself all day today. I think they're going swimming. I chose not to interfere. God willing, Ryan will have many more birthdays that we can all celebrate together. I'm just grateful that my baby is able to run free for his 3rd birthday.

Timing... I was in a foggy depression for the majority of the winter and spring, while Ryan was going through his surgeries and radiation. I thank God, The Universe, The Creator, Allah, The Almighty, Yaweh, Jehovah for His divine plan. What if Ryan would have had to be in the hospital for his birthday? What if Ryan died during surgery and didn't even live to see his 3rd birthday? What if I would have committed suicide, or never came out of my depression and able to be strong for my son? God is good!

I'm filled with gratitude by the mercy and grace I've been granted. My son is healed. My son is healthy. My son has zero side effects from all he has been through aside from a bald head and a scar! I often asked God why me, during the storm. Today, I'm asking why me once more. Why is my son the miracle child out of all of the hundreds of thousands of children diagnosed with an Ependymoma? Why am I so strong and mentally sane after this challenging time? 

I don't want the answers.

I just want to continue enjoying my beautiful son. One day it will all make sense. The strength I gained from an abnormal childhood, the confidence and faith that have grown inside of me through all of this, and the confidence in faith planted in my son will all come full circle in the future. How can my son ever fail at anything in life, knowing that he beat cancer? How can I not affirm him, and tell him how special he is everyday? He's awesome and great and he will be successful at whatever he chooses to do. 

On today, he'll eat junk food, run around, smile, scream, and play until he passes out in preschool exhaustion. He'll be with his loving father, his proud sister, and dozens of other joyful relatives surrounding him with happiness on his special day. He'll be excited and have tons of fun. I'm glad to be mature enough to share birthdays and holidays without feeling sad and left out. My joy comes from knowing Ryan is happy and safe with his favorite person in the whole wide world, his daddy.

I'm starting to think about Ryan's 4th birthday. Will he be a normal kid again, or will the tumor be an issue yet again? Will he be in Texas or Ohio? Should we go to Chuck E. Cheese or SkyZone? 

I need to stop. Matthew 6:34 says, "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." I need to be blissful in this moment and thankful for the present. I Am. 

Happy Birthday Ryan! I love you Doonie Scoonie Noonie!!!