Bad Mothers
I think all good mothers question themselves at least once a day. We question the health of our kids, the intelligence of our kids, and even the physical appearance of our little ones. We blame ourselves for everything that goes wrong with our children. We compare our kids to other people's kids. We feel pressured to make sure our children are far better off than us when they become adults.
A good mother doesn't have to be rich, highly educated, have the perfect housekeeping skills, or have the best tasting home cooking. What makes a good mother is a woman who puts the needs of her child first. I'm not talking perfection. I don't mean a woman who walks away from her goals and dreams to be a stay at home mom. I'm talking about a woman who loves herself first, and pours the same love into her children.
I'm no expert. I haven't done studies or research on the topic of good mothers. But, in my opinion, a good mother does more than simply provide for her children. A good mom thinks about the future of her children, and makes moves with their future in mind. For example, I decided to put my son in daycare when he was only 6 weeks old. Why? Because I knew I wanted to finish college.
Do you think I wanted to leave my tiny helpless child with strangers for hours at a time? Of course not. Before signing him up, I researched and toured the facility, met with the teachers, and made sure I felt comfortable. I wanted to spend every waking moment with my son, but I could not find a job making more than $10 without getting my education. I had to do what I had to do as a stepping stone towards a secure future. I WILL NOT BE ON WELFARE FOREVER!!! One of the keys to getting out of poverty is education. Getting an education is a choice. Good moms make tough choices, but those choices won't cause her to neglect her children.
Do you think I wanted to leave my sons father when my son was 2 weeks old, and move in with my godparents?? Uhhh, NO! But if I would have stayed in an abusive relationship, my son would have grown up in an unsafe environment. We have to make the best choices for ourselves while simultaneously considering the needs of our children. Every choice a mother makes directly affects her kids, period.
The people you hang around, the words you speak, the men you date, the shows you watch on television, the clothes you where, the job you take, all have an affect on your children. They see it all, they hear it all, they understand it all. My son is two. He's only been talking in full sentences for a little while. But the things he can understand at this young age blows my mind. STOP UNDERESTIMATING THE INTELLIGENCE OF THESE KIDS! You think they don't know what beer, wine, cigarettes, sex, and curse words are? Be careful of what you do around these babies.
My sister, a great mom, said this, "We become what we think. So be careful of what you say to your kids because what you say to them today becomes their inner voice tomorrow. And that inner voice will influence everything they do and say." Not only is my sister a mom, she's been teaching young children for almost a decade and is now the Assistant Principal at an elementary school. She used the words "lazy" "stupid" and "nigga" as examples of what NOT to call our children. Even phrases like, "What's wrong with you?"
Talk to your children with respect. They will respect you, respect themselves, and respect others as a result. How would you like someone talking to you the way you talk to your children? Are you helping them or hurting them? Words can hurt. Words can build a child or break him. I want my son to walk out the house knowing that he's smart, handsome, strong and resilient. I want him to have confidence and high self esteem, so I constantly tell him how great he is. He walks around with his little bald head held high! I don't want my DNA, my mini me, an extension of me, going out of the house thinking he's a lazy stupid nigga with something wrong with him. (Let that sink in.)
My sister also said, "We should educate and train ourselves so that we become better parents. The old saying kids don't come with a manual is null and void thanks to Google and Kindles. Strive to read at least 5 books/articles a year on parenting." It may sound cliche, but the books What To Expect When You're Expecting and What To Expect During The Toddler Years were exchanged between me and my sister like the traveling pants. What you don't know can hurt you. And yes, I'm going to say it, knowledge IS power. Raising kids can be stressful at times, especially when you have absolutely no insight on the stages and phases of the ages to come. Good mothers do the hard work and go the extra mile because they want the best for their babies.
I'll quote my sister once more. She said, "Kids shouldn't come with responsibilities. It's not their job to motivate you, encourage you, make you feel loved, or to keep some man attached to you. Reproduce responsibly! Enjoy your kids!" Is she preaching and teaching or naw?! When we decide to have children, THEY OWE US NOTHING! They did not ask to be here. You chose to bring a completely dependent person into this world. You are responsible (and the father of course), for fulfilling each and every one of those needs.
Fulfill the needs of your children in the same manner you would fulfill your own. I'm not saying buy you and your 3 year old daughter a Gucci purse. I don't mean every time you get a pair of Jordan's your 2 year old son needs a pair too. That makes no sense. What I'm saying is, if you spend 3 hours in the mirror every morning making sure your hair, nails and makeup are on point, take 15 full minutes out for the kids. Brush the kids hair, make sure their faces are washed, brush their teeth, make sure their clothes are clean and fit properly. Your children are a reflection of you.
When my ex-husband would talk negatively about his ex-wife, I didn't believe half of the things he said. Especially when I met the kids. Those kids were mannerable, confident, handsome, intelligent, talented and a pleasure to be around. He only got them a few weekends out of the month, meaning they spent the majority of the time with her. If she was this terrible person that he made her out to be, those kids would have shown those same characteristics. I'm sure she's not a perfect mother, but I see that she has made some great decisions in regards to the success of her children.
Finally, a good mother values education. In my opinion, a good mother understands that she is the first teacher her child will have. She does not depend solely on the school to educate her kids. Personally, I read to my son everyday he's with me. We watch educational videos TOGETHER, and I make sure I know where he should be developmentally for his age. I monitor what he watches on TV, on the computer, on my cell phone, and what he listens to on the radio. What we put in their minds will come out of their mouths.
Just like anything else we want to be successful at, good parenting takes hard work, dedication, and a lot of patience. A perfect mother is non-existent. We will make plenty of mistakes along the way. The difference between a mother and a good mother is a choice. Keep the best interest of your children in mind when making each and every decision. Priorities shift once we bring children into our worlds.
Will you just be or will you be GREAT?
A good mother doesn't have to be rich, highly educated, have the perfect housekeeping skills, or have the best tasting home cooking. What makes a good mother is a woman who puts the needs of her child first. I'm not talking perfection. I don't mean a woman who walks away from her goals and dreams to be a stay at home mom. I'm talking about a woman who loves herself first, and pours the same love into her children.
I'm no expert. I haven't done studies or research on the topic of good mothers. But, in my opinion, a good mother does more than simply provide for her children. A good mom thinks about the future of her children, and makes moves with their future in mind. For example, I decided to put my son in daycare when he was only 6 weeks old. Why? Because I knew I wanted to finish college.
Do you think I wanted to leave my tiny helpless child with strangers for hours at a time? Of course not. Before signing him up, I researched and toured the facility, met with the teachers, and made sure I felt comfortable. I wanted to spend every waking moment with my son, but I could not find a job making more than $10 without getting my education. I had to do what I had to do as a stepping stone towards a secure future. I WILL NOT BE ON WELFARE FOREVER!!! One of the keys to getting out of poverty is education. Getting an education is a choice. Good moms make tough choices, but those choices won't cause her to neglect her children.
Do you think I wanted to leave my sons father when my son was 2 weeks old, and move in with my godparents?? Uhhh, NO! But if I would have stayed in an abusive relationship, my son would have grown up in an unsafe environment. We have to make the best choices for ourselves while simultaneously considering the needs of our children. Every choice a mother makes directly affects her kids, period.
The people you hang around, the words you speak, the men you date, the shows you watch on television, the clothes you where, the job you take, all have an affect on your children. They see it all, they hear it all, they understand it all. My son is two. He's only been talking in full sentences for a little while. But the things he can understand at this young age blows my mind. STOP UNDERESTIMATING THE INTELLIGENCE OF THESE KIDS! You think they don't know what beer, wine, cigarettes, sex, and curse words are? Be careful of what you do around these babies.
My sister, a great mom, said this, "We become what we think. So be careful of what you say to your kids because what you say to them today becomes their inner voice tomorrow. And that inner voice will influence everything they do and say." Not only is my sister a mom, she's been teaching young children for almost a decade and is now the Assistant Principal at an elementary school. She used the words "lazy" "stupid" and "nigga" as examples of what NOT to call our children. Even phrases like, "What's wrong with you?"
Talk to your children with respect. They will respect you, respect themselves, and respect others as a result. How would you like someone talking to you the way you talk to your children? Are you helping them or hurting them? Words can hurt. Words can build a child or break him. I want my son to walk out the house knowing that he's smart, handsome, strong and resilient. I want him to have confidence and high self esteem, so I constantly tell him how great he is. He walks around with his little bald head held high! I don't want my DNA, my mini me, an extension of me, going out of the house thinking he's a lazy stupid nigga with something wrong with him. (Let that sink in.)
My sister also said, "We should educate and train ourselves so that we become better parents. The old saying kids don't come with a manual is null and void thanks to Google and Kindles. Strive to read at least 5 books/articles a year on parenting." It may sound cliche, but the books What To Expect When You're Expecting and What To Expect During The Toddler Years were exchanged between me and my sister like the traveling pants. What you don't know can hurt you. And yes, I'm going to say it, knowledge IS power. Raising kids can be stressful at times, especially when you have absolutely no insight on the stages and phases of the ages to come. Good mothers do the hard work and go the extra mile because they want the best for their babies.
I'll quote my sister once more. She said, "Kids shouldn't come with responsibilities. It's not their job to motivate you, encourage you, make you feel loved, or to keep some man attached to you. Reproduce responsibly! Enjoy your kids!" Is she preaching and teaching or naw?! When we decide to have children, THEY OWE US NOTHING! They did not ask to be here. You chose to bring a completely dependent person into this world. You are responsible (and the father of course), for fulfilling each and every one of those needs.
Fulfill the needs of your children in the same manner you would fulfill your own. I'm not saying buy you and your 3 year old daughter a Gucci purse. I don't mean every time you get a pair of Jordan's your 2 year old son needs a pair too. That makes no sense. What I'm saying is, if you spend 3 hours in the mirror every morning making sure your hair, nails and makeup are on point, take 15 full minutes out for the kids. Brush the kids hair, make sure their faces are washed, brush their teeth, make sure their clothes are clean and fit properly. Your children are a reflection of you.
When my ex-husband would talk negatively about his ex-wife, I didn't believe half of the things he said. Especially when I met the kids. Those kids were mannerable, confident, handsome, intelligent, talented and a pleasure to be around. He only got them a few weekends out of the month, meaning they spent the majority of the time with her. If she was this terrible person that he made her out to be, those kids would have shown those same characteristics. I'm sure she's not a perfect mother, but I see that she has made some great decisions in regards to the success of her children.
Finally, a good mother values education. In my opinion, a good mother understands that she is the first teacher her child will have. She does not depend solely on the school to educate her kids. Personally, I read to my son everyday he's with me. We watch educational videos TOGETHER, and I make sure I know where he should be developmentally for his age. I monitor what he watches on TV, on the computer, on my cell phone, and what he listens to on the radio. What we put in their minds will come out of their mouths.
Just like anything else we want to be successful at, good parenting takes hard work, dedication, and a lot of patience. A perfect mother is non-existent. We will make plenty of mistakes along the way. The difference between a mother and a good mother is a choice. Keep the best interest of your children in mind when making each and every decision. Priorities shift once we bring children into our worlds.
Will you just be or will you be GREAT?
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